Here in This Space

Lilacs in Silver Pitcher | Nissa Gadbois Photography

I have been neglecting this space for so long.  I thought that I was off to a good run a few months ago.  The truth is that I’m struggling to fit into this space, just as I am struggling to fit into our new home here on the farm.  We have been here for about 7 months now and we are still in a state of flux.  I am the only one who appears to be bothered by it.  And I am really bothered.  It is causing me anxiety of a type that is approaching debilitating.  I find my solace in spaces that are neat and organized.  At the moment that space is my computer.

For whatever reason, although I am longing to be here full time again (and hopefully forever), I am having trouble approaching it.  Perhaps it is because it feels like a vacuum.  There isn’t conversation here anymore, as it was for a while.  It was never abuzz with conversation, but enough to let me know that people were stopping by and that what I was writing was at least of some interest to people.  I got conversation from various fora and email lists, and now Facebook.

As our family and other life demands have grown to a point that I can only be in one virtual place.  Up to now, excepting a brief period here, that has been on Facebook. I crave conversation, fellowship.  It is abundant there.

But it has a downside.   It is, for me, all-absorbing.  It is a major distraction.

I had looked into how to erase my Facebook presence.  Yes, it actually can be done.  I’m not keen on spending my time, words, and pictures contributing to Facebook’s bottom line.  I would rather benefit my own family with those things.  If I can easily keep Facebook friends updated from here, then that is ideal.

It’s been easy to post from anywhere directly to my timeline or to one of our pages or groups with my phone.

I will have to sacrifice conversation.  And that will be very, very hard.  But if the trade off is that I find myself again, that I can be more present for my precious and growing family, I think that this space is the better part, by far.

I would really love for you to visit me often and to leave comments here.  But I really do understand if you don’t or can’t.  Your time is as limited as mine.

Know that you are wished much love and abundant blessings, peace, and joy.